Having a hard time starting that workout program you promised to follow in 2014? This should make it easier. The following is a five-step fitness routine you can do for free in the privacy of your office. Of course, before beginning this or any workout program, ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for exercise, and ask your mental health professional if you’re crazy enough to actually try these.
1. Local Rules Curl
The print version of West Washington Court Rules — Local now weighs about 20 pounds. OK, I’m exaggerating, but not by much. Although it won’t fit in your briefcase anymore, the good news is that it’s heavy enough to give you a good workout. For curls, begin with the book in one hand at your hip and lift it slowly, bending at the elbow, until the book touches your chin. Lower slowly and repeat. Do three sets of 10 repetitions each per arm.
2. Thing-From-Your-Bottom-Drawer Press
You know that thing you’re not supposed to have that’s hidden in your bottom desk drawer? Come on, you know what I mean (box of chocolate truffles, flask of Jagermeister, Justin Bieber bobblehead, signed copy of 50 Shades of Gray). Well, here’s how you can put that thing to use without corrupting yourself. Stand beside your desk and with a smooth, deliberate motion bend at the waist, open the drawer, remove the thing, straighten your back, lift the thing overhead with both hands, then slowly return the thing to the drawer and close it. Repeat 5–10 times depending on the weight of the thing.
3. Under-Desk Lift
Here’s one you can do throughout the day, any time you see a staff member or fellow attorney approaching your office to discuss something you’d rather not talk about right then. Before the visitor catches sight of you, slide downward in your chair until you are free of the chair and crouched in the space under your desk. Using your leg muscles (not your back!), slowly and silently heft your desk upward until all four legs are just slightly off the floor. Then carefully set the desk back down. A smooth, deliberate motion will avoid detection and ensure a good workout. Repeat until the would-be visitor leaves.
4. The 30-foot Hall Dash
Don’t have time for a long run outside? Don’t want to bother changing into your workout gear? You can build up your legs and cardiovascular system in short bursts instead by sprinting at maximum speed every time you leave your office. Blast down the hall to the restroom, gallop from the conference room to the library, hurtle from the copier to the supply cabinet. Just watch out for unsuspecting colleagues. (Helmet recommended, if your office suite has sharp turns.)
5. Credibility Stretch
Begin by standing in a comfortable position with your hands at your sides. Close your eyes and imagine a straightforward argument supporting your side of a dispute or your rationale for carrying out a proposed transaction. Then gradually envision ever-more-preposterous arguments in your favor. (This is just an exercise, so don’t be afraid to stretch the facts and law.) Continue stretching and contorting logic and the truth until exhausted. Repeat with each side of your brain.
As with any workout, cool down gradually afterward and stay hydrated!